A Fortune in Feelings

Pretty eyes, pretty eyes

2009-05-01T22:09:00.000-07:00

There was a man on the bus today who had such kindly eyes that I assumed he was crazy.

Fairyland

2009-03-31T13:08:00.000-07:00

Yesterday, I received a package from my mother containing a bunch of cards and drawings and old report cards and stuff from when I was young. I was going through it when I came across this song that I wrote when I was 8. I think it's a song, anyway, since I drew musical notes next to it. I hope you like it....

Fairyland

Fairyland! You can make the stars shine in Fairyland! If you try! Fairyland! If you make someone happy you can make the stars shine in Fairyland! Fairyland oh yes Fairyland! You can make the stars shine in Fairyland. Stars and smiles all around in Fairyland! Flowers and candy hearts for you in Fairyland. Love is in Fairyland. Go to Fairyland. They love you!

I wish I had developed my obvious talent. I'd be as rich as Diane Warren!

P.S. Note to Mom: A manila envelope without any additional paddding is probably not the most effective medium for transporting a plaster handprint by mail. Just sayin'.

America Comes to Its Senses

2008-11-05T13:40:00.000-08:00

OK, today I'm feeling better! The headline of the local paper says it all: "America Comes to Its Senses."

I shared some champagne with my good friend Amy, who is a new mother to a mixed-race child, while we watched fireworks go off around the neighborhood. She was tearful the entire night, saying: "You have no idea how much this means to my daughter and my family."

I followed much of it on the internet, so I think I may have missed some important televised moments. Anyway, your thoughts, Dear Reader(s)? Post 'em here...

Sidenote: FU, California, for passing Prop. 8!

Max Romeo - Chase the Devil

2008-10-31T12:56:00.000-07:00

Well, it's Halloween. My favorite day of the year. But I'm just not feeling it this year. So I'll just post a selection from my fabled Halloween mix collection. I don't know how to post this YouTube stuff (help, Feeb!) so sue me if it doesn't work....

Send in the Clowns

2008-10-15T10:27:00.000-07:00

I guess this post is really just a teaser. When I tell people this story, they ask, "So you got pictures with your cell, right?" Alas, I did not...

My sister is moving to Italy very soon, and she came to visit me in Portland over the weekend for one last hurrah. On Saturday night, after a lazy afternoon spent at Voodoo Doughnut and Powell's, we made our way to the local bar (sorry, no link; it's that kind of local). After a few drinks, we decided to head a few doors down to karaoke at the Vietnamese restaurant.

Then THEY started to arrive. Sometimes in pairs, sometimes alone, sometimes in groups of 4, and nearly always on scooters. Clowns. Within an hour, dozens of clowns had taken over the karaoke bar. Some were obscene, others clearly karaoke pros, and others just looking to get wasted, it seemed. But everywhere I looked... Clowns.

At the Tavern

2008-09-24T11:34:00.001-07:00

Last week I witnessed my first bar fight in quite awhile. It was at a little place near my friend's house which didn't seem to have a name - the sign simply read "TAVERN" (which, I heard, means that they don't have a liquor license and can only sell beer and wine). We were sitting at the bar cuz all the tables were taken, and next to us a small group of people seemed to be having a nice, civil conversation among themselves.

But suddenly, barstools go flying along with fists and drinks and even eyeglasses. The gigantic bartender quickly hustled the two perpetrators out while they hurled their parting insults. (My favorite: "Fu#king bike messenger!")

After they had gone and things settled down, their friend said to us, "Wanna know what they were fighting about?" Of course I was curious: Was it money... A woman... An intolerable insult to one's mother? "It was art," he said. "They were arguing over who's better: Georgia O'Keeffe or Van Gogh." Fascinating! Especially considering the artists in question. Anyway, so Portland, so hilarious...

On the bus

2008-09-12T09:04:00.000-07:00

Ever hear a conversation in Spanglish among teenage girls? Every other word is still "like"!!!

Movie Friend

2008-08-20T07:09:00.000-07:00

This is the saddest Craigslist posting I've ever read. And believe me, there are some sad postings on Craigslist. But usually not so poignant. The last line really kills me. Plus it was posted at 1:30 in the morning. I wonder if the loneliness was keeping him/her up that night?

QWERTY

2008-07-28T15:41:00.000-07:00

As some of you loyal readers know, Saturday was M'OSH's birthday. He received from his in-laws a rockin', old-school typewriter. The kiddies were fascinated and gathered around it asking, "What is THAT?"

Bagel-fuls Update

2008-07-28T15:30:00.001-07:00

They've upped the ante: now available in super-healthy "whole grain"!

Second place

2008-07-02T08:17:00.000-07:00

I realize that this might be a strange post after previously touting the virtues of syrup-soaked pancakes-in-a-can and frozen, cream-cheese-filled bagels. However, I am able occasionally to tear myself away from the table to exercise, especially since "Oprah's favorite bra" changed my life. (Am I really sharing one of Oprah's favorite things on my blog? This is what it's come to?)

Recently my gym held its yearly "Fitness Challenge," a month-long competition with other area fitness centers, with competitors divided by sex and age. I know to some of you that "fitness" and "competition" wouldn't be the first words that come to mind when describing me. But my gym's director talked me into entering and - surprise, surprise - I found I actually got into it. It wasn't so much beating the other competitors. I found with each event that I wanted to beat my previous time or weight or whatever. And at the close of the Challenge came the biggest shocker of all:

FOUR second place wins! A friend (ribbon-less, mind you) suggested that perhaps there weren't many contestants in the "old lady" category. Killjoy. I don't care. I am just happy to be doing something athletic for once. (Wait, does ski club in high school count? I thought not.) Second place is fine with me....

Food innovation #2

2008-05-30T08:03:00.000-07:00

I have come across another fabulous product at my local food mart: pancake batter in a can! It's something like squeeze cheese (or easy cheese, whichever you prefer to call it), but better, cuz it makes BREAKFAST! Not just pancakes but waffles too! If only it made French toast and poached eggs as well, this would probably be the *Best Product Ever*.

I haven't tried Batter Blaster yet; I purchased it because, well, it's BATTER IN A CAN! Plus my parents were coming for a visit (stay tuned for posts on this) and I thought I would try it out on them. I will update this post when I do. In the meantime, check out their website and the glowing reviews within. (I really like the one about the "traumatic dysfunctional hillbilly Thanksgiving." I think I've had a few of them.) Amazing, indeed!

Breaking news!

2008-05-08T13:19:00.000-07:00

Last night I saw a commercial for Bagel-fuls! They are actually promoting this product. I thought for sure these were headed straight to video, so to speak (the freezer section of the dollar store), but it seems that Kraft has high hopes for their frozen bagel filled with cream cheese. I'd like to think that I'm in some small way partially responsible for its success. After all, Paul did purchase them "on [my] sort-of recommendation." Long live Bagel-fuls!

Picture Day

2008-05-01T07:05:00.000-07:00

Taken in the supply room at my office

I asked you nicely once. The gloves are off now, missy!

In honor of my mother, I offer The “Blog” of “Unnecessary” Quotation Marks

Heading South

2008-04-23T07:29:00.000-07:00

Are you like me and have a lot of extra cash you don't know what to do with? Yeah, yeah, things are tough all over, but if you're looking for a charity to donate to, try this:
New Orleans Public Library Foundation
“Rebuilding public libraries, the cornerstone of a free society”

More links:
Southern Gothic Magazine
The Comforts of Home
Kate Chopin

Frozen Food Innovations, #1

2008-04-04T08:08:00.000-07:00

I came across this product on a recent visit to Winco, the local "bag-it-yourself" grocery chain. I was intrigued, took a shot with my camera phone, and promoptly sent it to my sisters. Wow! This is the greatest thing since Uncrustables, Smuckers' frozen PB&J sandwiches sans crusts. I have always thought that cutting a bagel and spreading cream cheese on it myself took far too much time, and with this product I will worry no more. Much like Mr. Show's mustardayonaise, Bagel-fuls are a real time saver! And their strong resemblance to Twinkies doesn't hurt, either...

Greatest Blog

2008-03-14T13:40:00.000-07:00

Here I am again... After all this time you thought I was never coming back, didn't you? I've been inspired by all of my friends' great blogs, so I thought it was time to get back in the biz-ness. It's been waaay too long. I mean, who the hell is that guy in the photo below? Does anyone even remember Karl "Turd Blossom" Rove??

The unfortunate thing is that the problem that has dogged me since my last post (2+ years now) has not gone away. I STILL HAVE NOTHING TO SAY!! So for now I'll just point you to the Greatest Blog of All Time and call it a day. I'll be back when I think of something....

Attention conspiracy buffs

2005-12-09T10:04:00.000-08:00

From wonkette.com

Taking stock

2005-12-07T14:28:00.000-08:00

Guess what Mom’s putting in the stockings this year!

Would you like to play along?

Each Christmas I get a stocking from my mother. They keep coming, despite the fact that I’m, ahem, in my 30s. If it sounds like I’m complaining, consider this: Two years ago I didn’t receive a stocking. I chalked it up to my mom finally taking notice of my advanced age. Or maybe it was due to her advanced age. Either way, I accepted that all things must pass. That is, until I heard that both my older and younger sisters HAD received the traditional stocking. As the middle child, I immediately recognized this for what it was: yet another unambiguous signal that I am unloved and unwanted!

In our next conversation, I demanded an explanation. Why didn’t I get a stocking? Will I ever be loved?! Oh, she had excuses—some may say good excuses—but I put on an extra heavy layer of guilt trip. Suffice it to say that I can expect a stocking from Mommy until I’m well into my 60s.

Why is THE STOCKING so important to me? My sisters and I so look forward to comparing notes on the oddities contained within its velvety folds. (Yes, I know that sounds erotic.)

Me: “Did you get 7 glitter pencils? And an eyeglass repair kit?”

Sister #1: “No, but I did get dental floss and two toothbrushes, the extra hard variety. Is she trying to tell me something?”

Me: “Probably. Last year I got weight loss gum.”

Sister #2: “Then what does this Billy Graham pamphlet mean? Am I going to hell?”

Now my husband also has the pleasure of receiving a stocking. He receives dominos rather frequently, and more “chocolate flavored” candy than seems reasonable for a diabetic.

So here are 10 predictions for this year’s stocking:
1. Erasers, the kind that fit atop your pencil
2. Day planner with “uplifting” or “spiritual” sayings
3. Pez dispenser
4. Keychain with unknown character or smiling animal on it
5. Packet of push-pins
6. Carefree gum, spearmint flavor
7. Bobby pins
8. Generic unflavored lip balm
9. Something with “anti-bacterial” in its name
10. And, of course, an eyeglass repair kit

Dark horse bonus: Size C batteries

I’ll update with a complete inventory once I’ve received the stocking. Leave a comment with your predictions….

Pope may abolish concept of limbo

2005-12-01T09:05:00.000-08:00

This is certainly a conundrum. What about all those babies currently in limbo? Where will they go? Will the Pope create another yet-to-be-named holding area for these not-so-innocents? We can't send them to heaven unbaptized and dilute the stock of angels that deserve to be there. Is this a merely a power play, Pope vs. God? I can't wait to see how this plays out!

Welcome

2005-11-21T12:54:00.000-08:00

Welcome to my blog, A Fortune in Feelings. I don't have much to say that hasn't already been said, and I'll probably be late in saying (posting) it, so why don't you just leave right now?

No, wait! Don't go!! I'll make it up to you, promise...

For starters, here's a picture of the most important place to me in my formative years: the public library in my small town.

It's still standing and still looks exactly the same, except that the trees in front are gigantic now. Or maybe they're not even the same trees; who the hell knows?

It almost seems like an anachronism that there are still little hometown libraries around, in this age of tax-cutting and privitization. My grandmother was a librarian. Wasn't it beautiful when the librarians of America fought back against the Patriot Act?